Hello there, just thought I would write for a few minutes since I have so much on my mind. Things have been great and horrible at the same time.

Amazing
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1. Did amazing in a runway show for Rare magazine in Austin
2. Going to L.A. in 2 days for fun shoots
3. My one year anniversary is coming up on the 8th
4. I have an amazing idea for a great new online company
5. I got to go to a prom with Jason and had a super fun time

Horrible
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1. My grandmother is sick cancer
2. My father is sick with cancer
3. One of my best friend's has had a bad bout with luck latley and things aren't going well for him at the moment
4. I want to move out of this town
5. I'm nervous about L.A.
6. My car insurance is going up
7. I'm always tired but can't sleep
8. I just feel really over welmed

I know that everything will be ok, but I hate feeling helpless and vulnerable. I am ready to get something up and running-- sign with an agency or get my company started...OR BOTH! I need inspiration and there really isn't any in san angelo and I hate it so much. I am really looking forward to laying on the beach in all my glorious whiteness in Cali and just relaxing.... coated in a layer of SPF 3000 I will just let everything go.... I haven't ever seen the ocean so I am looking forward to it.
I'm also nervous about my shoots.... It's something I can't help really... I haven't ever met a photographer that hasn't liked me but I am always worried about it cause I really don't look like a model when you meet me. I look like a normal 17 year old girl until I get through hair and makeup and sit infront of that camera. I just have bad anxiety.
Work is still work, the same place it has been for the past 3 or 4 years, just a few new faces and rules. Crossin' my fingers that I will bank thursday and friday for L.A.
If anyone reads this please pray for my grandmother and my daddy. Also a little boy named Joshua who is 4 years old and has auto immune disease. I am blessed dailey to have my health...I should take better care of myself.
xoxox
jeska

I don't care anymore, this stupid ambition, this life
Why do I keep pushing, and recieving a lie

Ambitions are false and hopes just die
this po-dunk town this wednesday night

Greatness will never actually be acheived
regret will just eat at me

People feeling bigger than me
playing around with my emotion, screwing me

Take your oh so important life and hold it up to mine
But when you die, will you lay there more perfect than I?

Tired of this bullshit, tired of the games
stop putting me off and throwing head games

I can't keep guessing at what you want
foolish I feel with every second your decision took

Sitting here in my living room, just got off of work
My feet feel like rotting flesh, breath is coming short

Situations unavoidable, time repeats still
yet the years creep up slowly and time I can’t kill

People claim the future unpredictable and bright
yet clearly I can see my future on this Friday night

Beer bottle on the table, trash on T.V.
this town is slowly darker, reaping life, killing me

Money makes the world go round, and I spin too fast
should the future burn brighter than my weary past

so far one can fall before they bounce back
somehow I feel that bounce will hit me in the ass

candle burning faster at both of it’s ends
will they reach each other before I make a plan

too many ways to run, but nowhere to hide
vulnerable and scared sitting here tonight

this is not what I invisioned, this is not what I wished
so many things have happened since I’ve felt bliss

Please God show me a path
Please God help me shine