I saw her last week, on a Wednesday. The day of the horrible storms in Brady and Eden, which were very fitting for a setting that day. I planned on leaving early that day to go and see her but before I left I got a phone call from my mother telling me that We HAD TO COME SEE HER that day, which is never something you want to hear from a parent. My grandmother Jane Stahlschmidt probably won't be with us much longer unless the lord decides to save her. Hospice was called in on Thursday, they stoped hydrating her and I guess that means we are just playing the waiting game. It seems so unfair to me though, I know she isn't ready to go yet. I know she is fighting as much as she can in her "state". I guess they have her on so many pills and drops that she is never fully in reality of what's going on. As far as I know she doesn't even know that she is passing, which I don't think is fair but who am I to pass judgment on that. I haven't ever been in that position yet, but I know that if I was passing I would want to know and I wouldn't want to be on anything for at least a day so I could talk to my family. It seems so unfair to keep her so druged up if she is going to pass. I think God should give her just 2 days of something normal. My grandmother loves to write and catalogue things. She should have two days to write everything that she always thought she would be able to write.... letters to her children and future childrens children. The one thing harder than losing a grandmother is watching a mother lose her mother, and I have been watching my mom lose hers.
My grandfather doesn't really act like anything is wrong, not sure if he knows exactly what's going on.... he walks around the house and tells jokes and shows my mom pictures of cars when she tries to find out details about my grandmothers wishes. My Grandfather is angry, and frankly I can't really blame him because I am angry as well. My grandfather finally told my mother that Grandma want's to be burried in Texas so she can be close to her kids. Words escape me now, emotion is too strong, hearts are too full.... Im not ready to burry my grandmother who is only 62. Cancer is horrible.... Kemo is horrible, but God is good. God won't give her anything that he doesn't think she can't handle. So God must think my Grandmother is a really strong lady.
JANE AND EDGAR STAHLSCMIDT-SARAH KATHY JOANNE
SARAH/MIKE/DOUGE-Scott, Ben, Savanah, and the new baby that I can't remember her name now.
KATHY/RON/ERIC-Jessica, Alicia, Zachary, Rebecca, Veronica
JOANNE/ROBERT/SCOTT- Albert, Tonya, Robert, Amanda
From my Grandmother she brought 16 people into the world. 16 people with wonderful morals and great hearts. 16 people that will always remember our crochetted scarves and beanies we got every christmas, our hand made quilts grandma made us when we were babies. How she didn't ever forget a birthday. My grandmother is the rock of my family, she was the one constant through all the hurt we all went through. We knew that we could always go to her.
I remember once when I was a little kid, maybe 6, I was mad at my parents and I had packed my bags. I told my Dad that I was going to go live with Grandma stahlschmidt in Fredericksburg.... After he explained how long it would take me to get there on foot I changed my mind, but I always wanted to be with her and Papa. Every summer we would be there. One summer I had gotten a little mermaid doll and I was playing with her in the front row of church (grandma played piano in church for as long as I can remember) I got my doll taken away because she wasn't decent in church. lol just little things I remember. Her giggle.... man she has the cutest giggle.
I'm just hurting.... not ready to bury my grandmother but that seems to be the reality of what I'm facing. There just isn't ever enough time is there? You always think you have time, but really, time has you.
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blessed assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
I heard that song for the first time one summer while I was staying at Grandma Janes, I had gotten a tape from Chick Fil-A and it had that song along with a story. I don't remember the whole story but I do remember that the man that wrote that song had so much faith. His wife and 4 or 5 daughters had gone on a ship somewhere and the ship sunk, taking his while family down with it. He went on another ship to the spot where his family's ship had sunk and wrote that song. I can't imagine the faith he had, faith like my grandmothers. I can hardly imagine seeing the very spot that you lost your whole "life" and instead of getting angry and hating God, you give it to God and make peace with it. Thats the faith I want, I want it to be well with my soul. And if I am asked to sing at my grandmothers funeral, IF it happens that we have one, I am going to be singing that song.
Jes