Though it's VERY graphic, I loved it.....I want to be them. lol
In a way it's not fair....I want to live like they do, dress like they do and laugh like they do. Watching those 4 ladies on the big screen makes me want to work harder for what I want. A happily ever after. I want my happy ending....I want to sleep in pearls and drink cosmos with close friends. But really, I have no close female friends. The ones I do have I rarely see. Makes me sad really....even just trying to call some of my girlfriends to get a group together to go see the movie was difficult. Belle went with me along with my sister Tessa....it was fun, but I want the closeness that they had.
Anyway...I need some power heels....some monolo's or something. Heels that I can put on and feel like I could do ANYTHING. Shoes have that type of power over a girl and I want that kind of power.

A happy fathers day to my dad's Eric and daddy

When I was in San Antonio a photographer took images of me shortly after I found out that my grandmother had passed away.... These images are so amazing to me because they show how I felt inside at that very moment in time. She captured me so perfectly that these images almost brought tears to my face because I can feel the emotion leaking out of them even now that I look at them. I will keep these images with me always, they represent a transformation for me.... me seeing the world for what it really is and how fast it can all be gone. I hope that one day I will be just like her.... just as graceful as she was... in everything that she did.

I just wanted to share them with you all... actually Taylor and cooper...pretty sure you two are the only ones that read this...

Its been a while since I posted images....
Here are some from L.A.




those were all by danny luna



those were by robert alvarado







those were david hickey

mikawa photography




RC photography

TEXAS PHOTOGRAPHER'S WORK


LARA images

that's not me...it's a dress/gown I made out of a phone book
AND now I am tired of uploading images.....so enjoy these and I will post more in like 15 years
xoxoxox
jeska

There is so much inside of me....so much to give....so much love, so much life....I feel so small with so much stuck inside. Depression comes and goes on a day to day, hour to hour basis. I hold tight to things that I am afraid of losing. Keep the loves of my life close and become fearful when I cannot touch them in a moments notice.
I love that a song can make me cry.....that one song or note can surface such emotion from my soul that my body falls into tears. I love that I get excited when others have amazing ideas, when my ideas feel obtainable and waiting around the corner.
I love the smell of pancakes in the morning even though I never eat more than one and hate syrup.
I love sleeping in, snuggling with someone that trully loves you and will be there with you through anything & everything.
I love the smell of rain, the way it gives the world hope by washing it clean & letting it start over fresh and new.
Sometimes I randomly spout things out...not even sure if they make sense and I love it too.
I have no idea what I am doing right now....no clue where I am headed....I feel like I need to make some choices soon but it's too scary so I just keep doing the same shit everyday and don't change. Which then leads me to being sad....it's all an evil circle.
My bedroom is dirty and I don't even try to clean it...what's the point? I don't really see one. I guess I put way too much faith and realisticness into symbolism. When i'm upset I don't care for anything in my life to be in order at all...it actually pleases me to be surounded by things that represent what I'm feeling inside. I can't wait to move.....so many choices to make....

So you all know about my grandmother Jane...the funeral was on Monday and it was gorgeous and sweet. She was the only person I know that had 3 preachers preach at their funeral...the most graceful person we all knew...Jane... the coolest thing that happened was that after it was all over we all went to her house and hung out with all the family for a while and my aunt-joe ann found a note pad with all the grandkids names on it and under mine was 4 words...Jessica-first, redheaded, model and leader... It was a great feeling to know that she thought of me as a leader...made me feel so great and proud.
My week prior to the funeral was exactly what I needed....A few days at mission road studio with all the randomes that comes with that. Milkman and Carly were in from New York and I fell completely in love with them during those few days. Their passion for the industry just leaks from every pore of their body and it's so contagious. We had a great time and I think we created some really amazing images with one another and other people. I want to go and visit them in New York as soon as I can...but that may be a while.