Little missy did a shoot with me....she is soooo stunning! We found that peice of cloth in her closet and made it into a top with safety pins. I went for a more austin powers look with her...I wanted bright and fun....she is 14. lol.
there will be more to come

Haven't written in a while....hasn't been too much to talk about.
I had my birthday in san angelo and it was fun. I got to see a ton of people that I haven't seen in a little while AND some people I haven't seen since high school! My friends Tay, Dean, chelsea, farrakahn and lux came as well as other people....the person that surprised me was Lynden! I haven't seen her in FOREVER! So it was great to be able to kinda hang out for a little while.
While I was in town I did some shooting....or I did makeup and JASON did some shooting. lol. this is an image of chelsea which was taken in my mothers garage.... we just put some cloth on her white face and shot...I think it looks amazing! We also shot with veronica and becky....Becky is so pretty....I wish she knew it. Veronica knows that she is pretty which is ok, but I think there is something so sweet and gorgeous about a modest woman that doesn't think she is the cat's meow. Becca has an elegance about her...I cant really put my finger on it, but she is just.....Becca...amazing and talented and sweet. I had a lot of fun with Rebecca's makeup and working with her cause she doesn't really care what I do to her...she lets me have creative freedome and that is somthing that is very fun for me. Obviously Chelsea did too and she ended up with a face covered in clown makeup. lol, Becca was a little luckier.Veronica's pictures aren't edited yet but they should be by tonight and I will post them as soon as I get them. I wasn't really sure what my motivation was with becca's makeup when I was doing it...I just found a pretty picture online and knew that i wanted to try it...so I did and it turned out pretty cool...of course it looked really different on becca than on the models face so it changed the whole feel of the makeup...then I decided to shoot it...I knew I wanted a solid colored trtle neck shirt because her makeup was so insane that I wanted something solide to kind of even it out....then the furr scarf was awesome because it kind of threw a soft and unrelated look into the image...I added the truquise earrings because they made here eye makeup pop.....so becca ended up doing a VOUGE shoot....a very modern paris look....of course Jason shot her amazingly...couldn't have done it without Jason...My Kodak camera used to be fne for me but now I am always saying "Jason...." hahaha poor guy.this image in the red dress thingy will be included in the november issue of city pages magazine. My friend Dez left a comment on it on my myspace saying " I bet you made that in like 15 minutes" which made me giggle because they are like 500 dollar dresses..vintage to be exact...some old slip with an old scarf sewed onto it and people go crazy for it I guess.....I really liked the red dress because when I first saw it I thought there were witches on broom sticks on the scarf...but on closer inspection I realized they were those weather thingys that people put on the top of their homes....a horse....I dunno....I like the halloween themed one better. lol....doesn't the middle belt thingy look like duct tape?Not being mean cause I would dfinitely wear them....I wouldn't spent 400 bucks on it though...I would go to salvation army and make me a 10 dollar version of the thing....I like this green dress better....it was very cute...though hard to model...the scarf wasnt very flattering infront of the camera. I am happy I got to smile infront of the camera and he picked that image to be published.
Ok I will write more later....I am totally tired of writing now
love you all
jes

A girl I used to be friends with wrote me the other day out of the blue. She had run across "me" on myspace but when she clicked the page she realized it wasn't me, but someone named wendy pretending to be me. What a weird feeling....she lives in the same town where I work and even pretended Febe was her puppy. The funny thing was that I had just gotten home from a photoshoot with a photographer who happened to be a big lawyer. So I started making phone calls and writing e-mails. Paul Parmer, another one of my photographers, is not only in law school but both of his parents are lawyers. And when you steal images that are copyrighted it is a really bad deal...she also did some editing herself which is tampering with a copyrighted material.
My friends started posting bulletins and photographers were writing her...and it all got taken down...then she started writing mean letters to everyone..
So Jason sent her this:
My name is J. Bailey and I own J. Bailey Studios. You might recognize my name as it is on several of the images you are illegally using on your myspace page. Also it appears that you have assumed the identity of ladygirljess. Copyright infringement and identity theft is serious business. Therefore I am writing you now and copying myspace legal to put you on notice.

First you violated your agreement with myspace by posting my images without my written permission.

MySpace.com Terms of Use Agreement

April 11, 2007

6.2
You represent and warrant that: (i) you own the Content posted by you on or through the MySpace Services or otherwise have the right to grant the license set forth in this section, and (ii) the posting of your Content on or through the MySpace Services does not violate the privacy rights, publicity rights, copyrights, contract rights or any other rights of any person. You agree to pay for all royalties, fees, and any other monies owing any person by reason of any Content posted by you to or through the MySpace Services.

6.4
The MySpace Services contain Content of Users and other MySpace.com licensors. Except for Content posted by you, you may not copy, modify, translate, publish, broadcast, transmit, distribute, perform, display, or sell any Content appearing on or through the MySpace Services.

This makes you solely responsible for your actions. Any and all cost's occurred by myspace will be passed onto you. As this is not the first time my work has been stolen on myspace I do plan to take full legal action.

I would also like to inform you that copyright infringement is governed my federal law, not local or state. Therefore, any and all cases must be settled in federal court. The penalties for these acts can be in excess of $100,000 per offense.

::Copyright infringement is the unauthorized use of a copyrighted work. Even the simple act of photocopying a copyrighted image without permission can be an infringement. When there is an infringement, the owner of the copyright can sue for damages. All lawsuits for copyright infringement must be brought in federal court, not state court.

::The owner of a copyright can always claim whatever damages he has actually sustained as a result of an infringement plus whatever profits were earned by the infringer from the unauthorized use of a work. In addition, if the copyright to a work which was infringed was registered with the Copyright Office either prior to the infringement or within 90 days after first publication, there are alternative damages that can be awarded. The owner of the copyright can elect to seek the greater of either his actual damages plus the profits earned by the infringer, or damages of up to $100,000 plus attorney's fees and court costs. The total damages that can be awarded by a court depends upon the degree of willfulness of the infringer.


I hope this demonstrates the severity of the offense. Please remove any and all of my work from your websites and computer. All of my images are "Digimarced", so I can search them out anywhere on the internet.

My lawyer and I have obtained screenshots of your myspace page for our records. I have also notified ALL of the photographers you are stealing from so please expect the same from them.

J. Bailey

later that night she agreed to talk to me...and we came up with a resolution...I wanted a written appology and I wanted her to tell all the photographers that she was sorry...this is a blog I posted after the fact:
As most of you know I found out through a friend that my images had been "barrowed" by someone and she was posing as me on myspace. After a lot of help from friends and my writing her she IM'd me on yahoo and we spoke. I explained how upset I was and how much trouble she could possibly be in and we came up with a good resolution. I feel good about the resolution we came up with and think she isn't a bad person at all....she just didn't understand what she did. She wrote all of my friends that she had written anything offensive to and told them she was sorry and deleted everything.
Through this whole experience I actually would like to talk to myspace and possibly come up with a way to make it harder for people to steal images off their site. I found out that if you take a picture of yourself holding a peice of paper that has your URL and friend ID written on it and send it to the myspace tech people they can keep it on file so they know who the real YOU is and can then monitor for the use of your images anywhere else on myspace. Though I feel that is a good way to try and keep it from hapening people can still take your images...even if you have set them as private so you think they can't take them. As long as they can drag your image onto their desktop they can have your images. I am a member on several model sites that have effective ways of keeping your images safe and I would like to see mysapce take the same procautions.
I have no idea how to go about this, but I plan to find out and take some sort of action.
Though Megan ended up being an ok lady, there are people online that aren't and the thought of them posing as me or you is very scary. I would like to ask you all to help me in figuring out a way to go about this.
And if you EVER see any of my professional work on anyones site that is not one of my photographers please contact me.
I have copied the letter of appology Megan wrote me at the bottom of this blog. I hope that after our talk she will ge her own myspace identity and I will even help her get some images of her own that she can use to show her friends.
Thank you all for your help in getting this problem taken care of. Being so far from my friends it was really nice seeing how many of you still care about me.
Can't wait to see you all soon.
x0x0x0x
jeska


My name is Megan,
I have been using my friends computer for the past month. I had a myspace page, that I put Jeska's photos on. I didn't mean anything by it. I never made money off them, I swear. I just used them for my profile, because I thought they were pretty. I have spoken with Jeska, and have deleted all pictures from my myspace page. I did not have any on my friends computer. Jeska explained everything that goes into doing a photo shoot. I never realized how much work went into it. I am very sorry for anything I have done wrong. I never meant to upset anybody. I am begging you to accept my sincerest apology for all of this. I have already canceled my myspace account for good. I am begging you not to press charges against me, I didn't mean any harm. Once again I am sorry for any of this inconvenience.
Megan

Tonight this song is me...every word...cause baby it's raining...inside of me...in my heart

You had my heartand we'll never be a world apart
Maybe in magazines but you'll still be my star
Baby cause in the Dark You can see shiny Cars
And that's when you need me there With you I'll always share, Because When the sun shines We’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath
I'mma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever Know that we still have each other You can stand under my Umbrella
These fancy things, will never come in between
You're part of my entity
Here for Infinity
When the war has took it's part When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard
Together we'll mend your heart
Because ...
When the sun shines We'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath I'mma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can run into my Arms
It's okay don't be alarmed
(Come into Me)
(There's no distance in between our love)
So Gonna let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more
Because ...
When the sun shines We'll shine Together Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath I'mma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever Know that we still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
It's raining (raining)
You can always come into me
Come into me

I got a letter from my papa Eric letting me know what is going on with my Daddy Ron. I found out some time ago that he had messed up by wearing his dentures to much and the roof of his mouth is now as thin as paper. So he would be needing a bone graph.....this is what he wrote.....your dad is having lots of tsts run up there in dallas for lots of things and biopsy on some skin things to find out what they are on him and he also had an mri for his chest the doc's saw a spot they want to know more about your dad thinks he remembers a hole or something years ago but can't say for sure. anyhow he is waiting for results and i am sure he is nervous about it, i would be and of course he has the mouth bone graph thing oout there as well so he has a lot in his mind. i just thought you would want to know sorry if it just kind got dumoed on you like this but i know you and you would want to know rather that not know so hang in there it will be ok
love, eric
I called mom tonight after midnight and I am sooooo happy that she answered her phone cause I desperately needed SOMEONE to talk to....I want to be home tonight worse than I have ever wanted to be home...I want to crawl in bed with my little sisters or veronica and just sleep. Sleep soundly....sleep next to family.
I am so scared for my daddy...what does it mean that he thinks he remembers a hole? What does that mean? Like a hole that he could feel or a hole he could see? I am thinking about going to be with my dad for a little while...I wouldn't be able to stand myself if I lost him. I love my dad so much...I wish I had someone to hold me right now...just tell me its all going to be ok. But I don't...I am so sad. I have been crying for hours...someone please....

Here are a few images from a shoot I did with some models in San Antonio a week ago or so. It was the first time I worked with agency models and I was sooo nervous cause they were at least 5"8 and I am so short but I think it went really well. One of the girls, Jenn, was like 6"4 with her heels on! It was insane! Jenn is the one in purple. She was soooo nice and wants to help me get signed with an agency and I am realy excited that she even offered to help. It's a scary thing. That first image on top there is the first image I have ever shot that I just really L-O-V-E how white I am...I think it looks really awesome! The other girl I met was Alyssa, she was just 18 and soooo sweet. She is half black and white and had those amazing blue/green eyes. She was a doll and lives near me so I hope to meet and hang out with her again.She is the model in the blue dress....I had a great time! My favorite image from the shoot is the one Jason did though...I have a peice of red cloth on my head and I think it really looks like a 1920's to 1940's image. After we shot that day we went to the opening of a club with Duke...it was really amazing and pretty! The dance floor was above a shark tank and those of you that know me knoe how scared I am of sharks so there was not any dancing for me that night...but I did look. All of the wall were so cool...different textures and colors...I think it would be really amazing to do a shoot in there because it would be like 15 different backdrops already set up. So cross your fingers for that one....yea right. lol Well I am going to go and hang out with Jason...we are watching some movie....love ya all!

I can't believe my little baby is one year old today...I hate that I have to work...I promised her a good play in the mud...but it got cold today and we don't need a sick puppy....so maybe her daddy will take her out for a little while when I am at stupid work.
For all of you that know me you know how excited I was to get Febe Boufette...I had her named 3 years before I ever even thought I would be able to have a puppy...I wanted something to love that would always be there and now I have my baby febes. She was under a pound when I first got hernow she is 5 pouns and growin! She is so smart and learns all the time and it's really neat watching. She goes everywhere with Jason and I.....So I am going to post a bunch of images of her growing up...enjoy!

I have a makeup and hair call at 8 a.m. in san antonio...I am sooo tired I could throw up. Haven't been up this early since I was in high school. ewwww.....wish me luck.

Jason found a little orphan kitten about 3 weeks ago or so. They think she was about a week old when he found her.She has already grown soooo much but is still really tiny. She likes to scream a lot and has to eat all the time. She is walking a whole lot better and a ton faster now which is cool. She likes to eat her feet and fall off of stuff. So thats all I wanted to say about that....

I was sleeping this morning and Jason woke me up saying "It's eleven thirty! You need to get up?!?!" then he put something really heavy on my tummy....it was a package with my magazine in it! It came in the mail! It's really neat to see yourslef in a magazine for the first time...and on the cover even! I got several pages throughout the entire magazine and I am just tickled pink about it. Makes me feel a little less stupid for deciding to try and be a model.Made me laugh to be looking at myself all pretty in a magazine while I am wearing sweat pants and a t-shirt...no makeup and a bun...it's a neat thing to realize what your capable of and to actually see it in print. The photographer, Doug Jacobson, made a package for the jewelry store with my images and is trying to get them to use me as their model and him as their photographer for adds and stuff....sooooo that could be super cool if they decide to go ahead and use me.
I am also shooting with Doug again this monday in san antonio for a new techila (not sure I spelled that right) brand...we are gonna shoot a bunch of things showing me drink at "home"....but don't worry I wont really drink it...that stuff is yuck! But he said it's a free shoot initially but when the adds go international and stuff then we will start making money....if it does go internaitional, so I don't really mind. The thing that still gets me is when I am all done up with hair and makeup and I see the images later...that I look like a woman...I know that sounds weird, but I see myself as a teen-ager still sometimes. I don't see myself as a grown-up and that one image from the shoot to the left really made me see myself as a woman. I don't look 17 in it and it's neat. Most photographers want to shoot me as a cute little girl, Jason, Duke and Doug are really the only photographers that have made me look and feel all grown- up in the images we shoot. It's exciting to see yourself "transform" into something or someone else infront of a camera...and the images last forever. I wonder how my mother and Eric see me...my daddy Ron too... when they look at me do they see a little girl or do they see me as a woman? Thats a good question...I am gonna ask them. This image to the right...I look about 14...hehehe and we shot it all in like 3 hours...Once again I would like to state that I do not like what the hair stylist did to my hair...he was sooooooo stuck in the 80's and everything he did looked like he was having flashbacks...I hated it. I wanted to snag the curling iron out of his hand and scream "LEMME DO IT!" but that wouldn't have been professional of me. lol so I restrained myself.Now this image to the left....I LOOK WAY TOO POSED! OMG! I hated that dress and hate that pose...but once again, the photographer and editor are the ones in charge of picking so I guess I shouldn't have given such a bad pose and they wouldn't have been able to pick it. Modeling jewelry is soooooooooooo hard!What can I say....you learn from experience and mistakes. I wont be doing any more crappy posing when I may get print work from the shoot. hehehe.

Tuesday....Got up....hung out with Jason...played on myspace and went to work...Now I am home from work....playing on myspace...and hangin' out with Jason...Things have been.....difficult.....but I know everything will turn out ok...I am more of a glass half empty kind of gal so it's hard for me to battle that initial feeling of failing...but I am and I know that with time everything will be ok. I miss my family and friends....Taylor has hurt me so bad....I still cry about it. He doesn't really talk to me anymore and doesn't write on myspace or e-mail or IM....doesn't call or text...he didn't even come to see me when I was in town until the morning when I was leaving while I was still dopped up on meds...I guess things change as well as people...it just sucks when It happens with someone you thought you would be close to forever..It has sunken in and I am still sad, but time will heal it. I finally made a friend! WOOT WOOT! Her name is Tina and she works at the same place as me and also lives in Kingsbury so I hope we will get to hang out. I don't think I have been this excited about making a friend since I was in elementary school. lol. I am just ready to hang out with someone outside of this house sometime...maybe go and see a movie or go to a park and just chat or something...Anyway! I guess thats all I have to say for today...still miss everyone...still love you all...jason still has my heart and makes me smile...still miss Taylor...

I am SOOOooooOOOoooooOOooOO in love with this image Jason shot!I think that he and I are the perfect team! We went to Austin for Alicia's birthday which was sooo fun, and the next day I saw some cool leaves on the ground at Dukes house and gathered some....I said I was gonna make a head dress...and I DID! I am soo proud of this one. I did the makeup and concept and Jason came up with all the lighting and everything...we are such an amazing team! When he edited the image I was paying so much attention to the makeup and hair that it took me a while to notice there were buildings in the background, which is amazing, because we shot it in his front yard on the ranch....there are no buildings for days...I think its the best image I have to date. I am so proud of him.I sewed the leaves in 4 parts...each with 3 leaves and then the single leaf that I put on the top...I drew my idea and colored it earlier today, but I never imagined it would come out so great. I mixed yellow and gold which I never had thought to do before...but it looked great. The gold is actually dust that I had left over from high school theatre...hehehe I keep all my makeup!
But it turned out amazing! I am doing my next shoot with feathers...gonna put them on my eyelids for eyelashes...I am working on the concept right now..I will have to wear a brown or black wig cause hot pink and black wont mesh with my red-hair, but I am certain it will be amazing as well...I am just so blown away with jason's talent. Our kids are gonna be so talented...it will be amazing...and red-headed...eck..heheheIt was so nice to see Alicia...she was so cute..she met my friends and we got to see Derek...they share the same birthday. At the end of the night we went to a piano bar and my friend Duke is friend's with the pianist and drummer so he told them it was her birthday...she ran up there when she heard them announce it and told them she HAD to hear the beatles...then she danced on the stage all by herself and then grabbed the mic and sang...it was to cute. She also grabbed my notebook and pen out of my purse and wrote me a note which was sweet, but she managed to get a pen mark on my 600 dollar dooney and bourke purse which is leather and white...which I had managed to keep white for 3 years...so I will always remember her birthday. hahahaI miss everyone so much...I hope that I can visit again soon...work is keeping me busy cause I try to pick up shift all the time so I can catch up on the bills....and save a little so I can move or maybe get married one day....not sure I will ever be able to afford a wedding. hehe, but I guess I am counting my eggs before they hatch cause he hasn't even almost asked....but a girl can plan can't she?
OK I love you all and I am gonna relaxe before I go to sleep...nobody wrote me about my cover page...kinda made me sad...I need to know who all wants one so I can be sure to grab enough.
Love you all
JesKa

I got the Cover image in my yahoo mail today as well as the other 2 images that are going to be used in the magazine. Although I am happy with the image I am not totally happy with my facial expression, but the selection was left up to the editor of the magazine....I am thinking that the focus is suppost to be more focused on the outfit and jewelry so it's all good for me. I think I look like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman or maybe Nicol Kidman....I really love it. I really would have liked to keep that dress but it was 600 dollars.....and it was too big for me...one of these days. I am still really happy with the cute dress I got on the sale rack from the store. I just have to find somewhere or something to where it to... it's just a little out of season now...not that that really has ever mattered to me in the past...hehehe....with the right tights I could wear it in the winter..heheheThe image that I am black and white in is the page of contents page I assume....I haven't seen the magazine yet but that's what I would imagine since it says contents on it. hehehe.... This is one of my favorite images from the shoot...it's really different from anything else that I have as of yet. I look really young in it and kind of "closed".... like keeping a secret or something. I am wearing an amazing pearl necklace.....all the pearls are different colors and I really would have also liked to add that to my collection of cheap jewelry. lol. One of these days I will have nice things, but right now I am content with my cheap Gadzooks collection. Nothing wrong with that.This last image I have no idea how or what it is going to be used for in the magazine...I really like this image too....I think my facial expression is a lot better in this one though...I really didn't like the jewelry cause I am not a big fan of gold. I got stuck with it though since I have re hair and light skin and the other model was tanned...she got to wear all the white gold and platnum stuff....which I would have liked to have modeled. It's really hard and awkward to model jewelry cause you have to make sure that you show it all at the same time as posing and everything....I hadn't ever done a shoot like that, but now it's on the top of my hard junk list. Ok that's all I have to say right now...I am so excited! I am gonna find a way to get a ton of copies for my family! YAY!

Not too much to talk about today....I have to go to another lovely 8 hours of calling people that would rather not talk to me...always fun. I did my first H.I.G.G. survey last night before coming home at 11....it was actually really hard and I felt sorry for the poor guy on the phone with me. lol. I hadn't ever done one before and I was not saying the questions right...I giggled a lot...found out at the end that he was actually 18 which surprised me because most young people don't have patience for even the shortest surveys so I was proud of him!
I have been talking to Derek a lot about his wanting to get into the modeling world...not sure how he could market himself because he is a good 3 or 4 inches too short to do runway, but he has one catwalk under his belt already so who knows? There are always chances for people that really want something. So maybe I can get him a shoot with me or something...anyway Jason got me food! he just got here so I am gonna eat and go to work. I will write more when I get home.

I am sure there is some point in everyones life when they can't figure out what they are doig or have done wrong. A time when you clearly see yourself for who you have become and can actually compare yourself with who you thought you would be....It's hard to "grow up" which I learn more and more every day. I thought I was an adult when I was in Angelo, but the reality of my whole situation there was that I was living within arms reach of my family and friends and I could run to them if anything went wrong....now I am really on my own. Its almost a surreal feeling really,

so life on the ranch....Jason and I were in the living room the other night after everyone else had gone to bed and I thought I heard kids playing outside...which was creepy all in it's own...then I was told that it was a really big pack of coyotes! Yickes! There sooooo creepy! I couldn't help but think of Little House on the prarie...if I was scared I can't imagine how Laura felt! GEEZ!
THEN TONIGHT! Jason and I were doing some product shooting for Henry Hall's clothing line outside at the ranch and he set up everything in front of the garage and there was a big big big banana spider! Not sure if any of you have had the pleasure of meeting this particular breed of devil bug but they are soooooooo big! AND THEY ARE EVERYWHERE HERE! Jason says they don't bite but I have been close enough to see their mouth and I am willing to bet they could and probably would bite....this one was as big as my hand!!!! AND I HAD TO STAND UNDER IT TO MODEL! YUCK! The joy's of the country life.....yummy.
Anywho....I shot in some wigs tonight so that was fun....hadn't done a shoot in a wig before so I am excited! I know models are not supposed to shoot in wigs because it's not good for you portfolio---since I have red hair and all, but sometimes I like to break the mold and get a little crazy....hehehe
OH! JASON FARTED INFRONT OF ME!!!! OUR FIRST FART! HAHAHAHAHA now we ARE stuck together forever....the farts seal the deal. He leaned over to do something to a light and PPPOOOOOOOOT! His sister started laughing so I thought she did it cause Jessica farts infront of me all the time, but when I looked at her she was pointing at Jason. I couldn't believe it! I am so proud...now it's my turn. hehehehe....My own mother hasn't heard me do that more than 10 times my whole life...hehehe we shall see....it will be a surprise!
Tonight work really made me angry...I had to go in from 1 to 5 for training in a new survey program...which was ok with me even though today was supposed to be my day off...but it was only 4 hours so it wasn't that bad...But the lady training us acted like we were all "special" so the training took over 6 hours!!! I have never mentally slapped someone as much as I did today....ugh** so annoying.
Ok Jason layed down so I am gonna go brush my teethies!
I LOVE YOU ALL!

Mother mother can you hear me Im just calling to say hello
Hows the weather hows my father am I lonely heavens no
Mother mother are listening just a phone call to ease your mind
Life is perfect never better distance making the heart grow blind

When you sent me off to see the world were you scared that I might get hurt
Would I try a little tobacco would I keep on hiking up my skirt

Im hungry
Im thirsty
Im losing my mind
Everythings fine

Im freezing
Im starving
Im bleeding death
Everythings fine

Yeah, Im working, making money Im just starting to build a name
I can feel it around the corner I could make it any day
Mother mother can you hear me yeah Im sober sure Im sane
Life is perfect never better still your daughter still the same

If I tell you what you want to hear will it help you to sleep well at night
Are you sure that Im your perfect dear now just cuddle up and sleep tight

Im hungry
Im thirsty
Im losing my mind
Everythings fine

Im freezing
Im starving
Im bleeding to death
Everythings fine

I miss you
I love you.

Song By: Tracy Bonham

This song has just been reminding me of home....not totally accurate I guess but close enough to make me think of my mom when I hear it...hehe....

I am in a pickle.....I guess not really, but kinda. My job isn't working out the way I had hoped for. I don't get enough hours to even make enough money to pay ONE bill! They say come in from 4 to 11 and I get there after my 45 minute drive and find out I am only working 4 to 9 which is only 5 hours.....It's hard working so little for just a flea fart above minimum wage.....I am not giving up just yet....I hope things will get a little better next week...I am suppost to work everyday for the next week and a half I think so maybe that will be worth it....the drive just kills me and I get home late and everyone has already eaten and are sleepy...just sucks but I guess it's part of being an adult....Shouldn't have eaten my green beans I guess.. hehehe
I suppose Jason and I are going to Houston in a few weeks....he has some of his recording stuff up there he needs to pick up and I am going to try and book some work while I am there. Kinda sad that I could make as much as I make in a whole 2 weeks at work from one photoshoot, but that's life. I know one day things will smooth out...and until then I have the greatest guy in the whole world who is always giving me hugs and kisses and makes me smile. He really is a wonderful man and I am sooooo blessed to have him. He has so much ambition and talent....things are moving really slow for both of us at the current moment but I know that through time he and I can do anything we want as long as we work together. I still want to do a shoot with him as a couple but I don't think his brother is ever going to have time....=0( Maybe Duke would....probably not but maybe....
Oh! Here is the latest picture I have gotten of Grace...I didn't get to see her while I was in Angelo which I think was for the best because I was so sick and now my whole family is sick....sorry Becca and V.V. and anyone else I infected! But at least I didn't get baby Grace sick. I really want Jason to meet Karen and the girls at some point because they are a part of my life....

Seeing my family, most of them anyway, was so nice. I love being "home"...that feeling you get when you walk through the front door...you feel like you had only stepped out the door to run to the store and had only been gone for 5 minutes. The smells and faces so firmiliar...everything where you remember it being. It's almost funny that one can have so much comfort from one place. What is even harder than coming back to my "home" was leaving it again...It wasn't an obvious physical battle or anything like that....the only person knowing how hard it was being myself, but when I heard the front door lock and I walked towards my car I felt a part of me cry. It's hard to leave everything you "know" and go out on your own to see what may come of yourself. This morning I wanted nothing more than to stay put on the couch in the living room and never leave...I wanted to site there and greet my siblings when they got in from work and school and to hug my mom when she got home from work as well, yet I am not there... Growing up is so hard and it takes many different stages that you really learn about as you complete them I believe. Today was one of them. My heart aches for everything firmiliar to me and comfortable....where I know everyone and everything will be ok because there are tons of people there to help. I ache for my family and my little sisters that I am missing out on their last few years in school...I ache for my mother...I love her so much. She is the greatest most selfless person I think I have ever met and ever will. I now know what courage it took to raise me and my brother and sisters at such a young age...I know I couldn't do it. I think she had already had 3 kids by the time she was my age....She is so strong. I miss Eric...he is our family's glue...I am content here with Jason...ready to move forward into our/my own life...the next chapter...everything seems to be at a stand still though and I am ready to move! Patience has never been very strong with me. But anyway....I am officially homesick for the first time in my life....

Well I am in Angelo....and I am sick....my face is all swollen and my nose is runny and tons of stuff is not good with me....it sucks so bad. I came here to see my friends and family and visit and now I am too sick to do anything...I hate this.
I saw Jeremiah Howell and and Farrahkahn...(however you spell that name) Anyway, Jeremiah is leaving town today and I wanted to see him before he left so they picked me up and we went to subway.Then they brought me back to moms where they said hello to Febe and Jeremiah met Jason. It was really nice to see him as always...I think we will always be friends...haha we can't seem to escape one another.
So now I guess I am just gonna hang out around the house today and be sick...not too fun. I really wanna see Tay and Riah and I wanted to show Jason Grahams, since I used to work there and I always talk about it. Just so he could have a visual when we talk about it. Maybe we can just swing in for a minute or two, but I really am sick....I hate it. I wanna be visiting people and having a blast, but of course I can't....so maybe next time....whenever that will be.....I hope soon.Maybe I can call Meme and see if she wants Jason and I to come over tonight for dinner. I know she mentioned something about that...pluss I love her cooking too much to there is no argument there. Gosh I WISH I FELT BETTER!!!! I DONT WANNA BE SICK! UGH! I will write back later....
OK I AM BACK! I AM SOOOO BORED AND I WANNA PLAY BUT JASON IS BUSY KILLING FLOWERS ON the stupid game that zack got becca and now.....Jason hooked on. He has been playing on this game for like a whole day now....oh well....I am getting made fun of for crochetting so....I guess that is fair enough...BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED!!!!

i JUST GOT THE E-MAIL A MINUTE AGO!! I GOT THE COVER! YAY! I am sooo excited! It comes out in October...I will try to get copies for my family though th magazie is in san antonio so I dunno if I have to go there to get them or not....well I have to go to work now but I just wated to post that! I will write more when I get home...love ya'll!!