I got the Cover image in my yahoo mail today as well as the other 2 images that are going to be used in the magazine. Although I am happy with the image I am not totally happy with my facial expression, but the selection was left up to the editor of the magazine....I am thinking that the focus is suppost to be more focused on the outfit and jewelry so it's all good for me. I think I look like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman or maybe Nicol Kidman....I really love it. I really would have liked to keep that dress but it was 600 dollars.....and it was too big for me...one of these days. I am still really happy with the cute dress I got on the sale rack from the store. I just have to find somewhere or something to where it to... it's just a little out of season now...not that that really has ever mattered to me in the past...hehehe....with the right tights I could wear it in the winter..heheheThe image that I am black and white in is the page of contents page I assume....I haven't seen the magazine yet but that's what I would imagine since it says contents on it. hehehe.... This is one of my favorite images from the shoot...it's really different from anything else that I have as of yet. I look really young in it and kind of "closed".... like keeping a secret or something. I am wearing an amazing pearl necklace.....all the pearls are different colors and I really would have also liked to add that to my collection of cheap jewelry. lol. One of these days I will have nice things, but right now I am content with my cheap Gadzooks collection. Nothing wrong with that.This last image I have no idea how or what it is going to be used for in the magazine...I really like this image too....I think my facial expression is a lot better in this one though...I really didn't like the jewelry cause I am not a big fan of gold. I got stuck with it though since I have re hair and light skin and the other model was tanned...she got to wear all the white gold and platnum stuff....which I would have liked to have modeled. It's really hard and awkward to model jewelry cause you have to make sure that you show it all at the same time as posing and everything....I hadn't ever done a shoot like that, but now it's on the top of my hard junk list. Ok that's all I have to say right now...I am so excited! I am gonna find a way to get a ton of copies for my family! YAY!

Not too much to talk about today....I have to go to another lovely 8 hours of calling people that would rather not talk to me...always fun. I did my first H.I.G.G. survey last night before coming home at 11....it was actually really hard and I felt sorry for the poor guy on the phone with me. lol. I hadn't ever done one before and I was not saying the questions right...I giggled a lot...found out at the end that he was actually 18 which surprised me because most young people don't have patience for even the shortest surveys so I was proud of him!
I have been talking to Derek a lot about his wanting to get into the modeling world...not sure how he could market himself because he is a good 3 or 4 inches too short to do runway, but he has one catwalk under his belt already so who knows? There are always chances for people that really want something. So maybe I can get him a shoot with me or something...anyway Jason got me food! he just got here so I am gonna eat and go to work. I will write more when I get home.

I am sure there is some point in everyones life when they can't figure out what they are doig or have done wrong. A time when you clearly see yourself for who you have become and can actually compare yourself with who you thought you would be....It's hard to "grow up" which I learn more and more every day. I thought I was an adult when I was in Angelo, but the reality of my whole situation there was that I was living within arms reach of my family and friends and I could run to them if anything went wrong....now I am really on my own. Its almost a surreal feeling really,

so life on the ranch....Jason and I were in the living room the other night after everyone else had gone to bed and I thought I heard kids playing outside...which was creepy all in it's own...then I was told that it was a really big pack of coyotes! Yickes! There sooooo creepy! I couldn't help but think of Little House on the prarie...if I was scared I can't imagine how Laura felt! GEEZ!
THEN TONIGHT! Jason and I were doing some product shooting for Henry Hall's clothing line outside at the ranch and he set up everything in front of the garage and there was a big big big banana spider! Not sure if any of you have had the pleasure of meeting this particular breed of devil bug but they are soooooooo big! AND THEY ARE EVERYWHERE HERE! Jason says they don't bite but I have been close enough to see their mouth and I am willing to bet they could and probably would bite....this one was as big as my hand!!!! AND I HAD TO STAND UNDER IT TO MODEL! YUCK! The joy's of the country life.....yummy.
Anywho....I shot in some wigs tonight so that was fun....hadn't done a shoot in a wig before so I am excited! I know models are not supposed to shoot in wigs because it's not good for you portfolio---since I have red hair and all, but sometimes I like to break the mold and get a little crazy....hehehe
OH! JASON FARTED INFRONT OF ME!!!! OUR FIRST FART! HAHAHAHAHA now we ARE stuck together forever....the farts seal the deal. He leaned over to do something to a light and PPPOOOOOOOOT! His sister started laughing so I thought she did it cause Jessica farts infront of me all the time, but when I looked at her she was pointing at Jason. I couldn't believe it! I am so proud...now it's my turn. hehehehe....My own mother hasn't heard me do that more than 10 times my whole life...hehehe we shall see....it will be a surprise!
Tonight work really made me angry...I had to go in from 1 to 5 for training in a new survey program...which was ok with me even though today was supposed to be my day off...but it was only 4 hours so it wasn't that bad...But the lady training us acted like we were all "special" so the training took over 6 hours!!! I have never mentally slapped someone as much as I did today....ugh** so annoying.
Ok Jason layed down so I am gonna go brush my teethies!
I LOVE YOU ALL!

Mother mother can you hear me Im just calling to say hello
Hows the weather hows my father am I lonely heavens no
Mother mother are listening just a phone call to ease your mind
Life is perfect never better distance making the heart grow blind

When you sent me off to see the world were you scared that I might get hurt
Would I try a little tobacco would I keep on hiking up my skirt

Im hungry
Im thirsty
Im losing my mind
Everythings fine

Im freezing
Im starving
Im bleeding death
Everythings fine

Yeah, Im working, making money Im just starting to build a name
I can feel it around the corner I could make it any day
Mother mother can you hear me yeah Im sober sure Im sane
Life is perfect never better still your daughter still the same

If I tell you what you want to hear will it help you to sleep well at night
Are you sure that Im your perfect dear now just cuddle up and sleep tight

Im hungry
Im thirsty
Im losing my mind
Everythings fine

Im freezing
Im starving
Im bleeding to death
Everythings fine

I miss you
I love you.

Song By: Tracy Bonham

This song has just been reminding me of home....not totally accurate I guess but close enough to make me think of my mom when I hear it...hehe....

I am in a pickle.....I guess not really, but kinda. My job isn't working out the way I had hoped for. I don't get enough hours to even make enough money to pay ONE bill! They say come in from 4 to 11 and I get there after my 45 minute drive and find out I am only working 4 to 9 which is only 5 hours.....It's hard working so little for just a flea fart above minimum wage.....I am not giving up just yet....I hope things will get a little better next week...I am suppost to work everyday for the next week and a half I think so maybe that will be worth it....the drive just kills me and I get home late and everyone has already eaten and are sleepy...just sucks but I guess it's part of being an adult....Shouldn't have eaten my green beans I guess.. hehehe
I suppose Jason and I are going to Houston in a few weeks....he has some of his recording stuff up there he needs to pick up and I am going to try and book some work while I am there. Kinda sad that I could make as much as I make in a whole 2 weeks at work from one photoshoot, but that's life. I know one day things will smooth out...and until then I have the greatest guy in the whole world who is always giving me hugs and kisses and makes me smile. He really is a wonderful man and I am sooooo blessed to have him. He has so much ambition and talent....things are moving really slow for both of us at the current moment but I know that through time he and I can do anything we want as long as we work together. I still want to do a shoot with him as a couple but I don't think his brother is ever going to have time....=0( Maybe Duke would....probably not but maybe....
Oh! Here is the latest picture I have gotten of Grace...I didn't get to see her while I was in Angelo which I think was for the best because I was so sick and now my whole family is sick....sorry Becca and V.V. and anyone else I infected! But at least I didn't get baby Grace sick. I really want Jason to meet Karen and the girls at some point because they are a part of my life....

Seeing my family, most of them anyway, was so nice. I love being "home"...that feeling you get when you walk through the front door...you feel like you had only stepped out the door to run to the store and had only been gone for 5 minutes. The smells and faces so firmiliar...everything where you remember it being. It's almost funny that one can have so much comfort from one place. What is even harder than coming back to my "home" was leaving it again...It wasn't an obvious physical battle or anything like that....the only person knowing how hard it was being myself, but when I heard the front door lock and I walked towards my car I felt a part of me cry. It's hard to leave everything you "know" and go out on your own to see what may come of yourself. This morning I wanted nothing more than to stay put on the couch in the living room and never leave...I wanted to site there and greet my siblings when they got in from work and school and to hug my mom when she got home from work as well, yet I am not there... Growing up is so hard and it takes many different stages that you really learn about as you complete them I believe. Today was one of them. My heart aches for everything firmiliar to me and comfortable....where I know everyone and everything will be ok because there are tons of people there to help. I ache for my family and my little sisters that I am missing out on their last few years in school...I ache for my mother...I love her so much. She is the greatest most selfless person I think I have ever met and ever will. I now know what courage it took to raise me and my brother and sisters at such a young age...I know I couldn't do it. I think she had already had 3 kids by the time she was my age....She is so strong. I miss Eric...he is our family's glue...I am content here with Jason...ready to move forward into our/my own life...the next chapter...everything seems to be at a stand still though and I am ready to move! Patience has never been very strong with me. But anyway....I am officially homesick for the first time in my life....

Well I am in Angelo....and I am sick....my face is all swollen and my nose is runny and tons of stuff is not good with me....it sucks so bad. I came here to see my friends and family and visit and now I am too sick to do anything...I hate this.
I saw Jeremiah Howell and and Farrahkahn...(however you spell that name) Anyway, Jeremiah is leaving town today and I wanted to see him before he left so they picked me up and we went to subway.Then they brought me back to moms where they said hello to Febe and Jeremiah met Jason. It was really nice to see him as always...I think we will always be friends...haha we can't seem to escape one another.
So now I guess I am just gonna hang out around the house today and be sick...not too fun. I really wanna see Tay and Riah and I wanted to show Jason Grahams, since I used to work there and I always talk about it. Just so he could have a visual when we talk about it. Maybe we can just swing in for a minute or two, but I really am sick....I hate it. I wanna be visiting people and having a blast, but of course I can't....so maybe next time....whenever that will be.....I hope soon.Maybe I can call Meme and see if she wants Jason and I to come over tonight for dinner. I know she mentioned something about that...pluss I love her cooking too much to there is no argument there. Gosh I WISH I FELT BETTER!!!! I DONT WANNA BE SICK! UGH! I will write back later....
OK I AM BACK! I AM SOOOO BORED AND I WANNA PLAY BUT JASON IS BUSY KILLING FLOWERS ON the stupid game that zack got becca and now.....Jason hooked on. He has been playing on this game for like a whole day now....oh well....I am getting made fun of for crochetting so....I guess that is fair enough...BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED BORED!!!!

i JUST GOT THE E-MAIL A MINUTE AGO!! I GOT THE COVER! YAY! I am sooo excited! It comes out in October...I will try to get copies for my family though th magazie is in san antonio so I dunno if I have to go there to get them or not....well I have to go to work now but I just wated to post that! I will write more when I get home...love ya'll!!

So I shot for the magazine today and it went really really well. I modeled like at least 50,000 dollars worth of jewelry...the designers had a guard come with them to protect the jewelry and everything! I also got to model 4 outfits from a boutique in San Antonio called Sublime Fashion...one of the dresses was almost 600 dollars! It was a lot of fun...My hair dresser kinda got on my nerves my but makeup artist was super fun and I liked her a lot. That first image I have up on here is me after my shoot....I had crazy "bed head" hair for the last part of the shoot....I am wearing another shirt sent to me by the designer Henry Hall and I got to shoot in it today so he will be happy when I send him some new images. I am pretty sure that I have a chance at being on the cover of the magazine, though I am not positive. That would rock though!
When we were finished shooting the photographer told the other models they appriciated them coming in and modeling and then asked me to stay. We shot a few more looks and it was really neat. Then they gave me a $200 gift card to Sublim and I got to go shopping! I got this really pretty pink crystal bracelet from austria and a dress that was marked down from 350 dollars...It was really fun. I would never spend that much money on 2 things though...nope nope nope...The gift card was really nice but cash would have been amazing!Anyway it was a great day! Poor Jason got locked out by the jewelry guard dude and couldn't get back in for almost 3 hours...I felt horrible and still do....if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have been able to even find my way there!!! It must have sucked just walking around out there for 3 hours...while I was inside getting primped and stuff...I would have been mad, but he wasn't. I love him soooo much. He makes my heart smile.
Ok I am sleepy so I am gonna go and read my book....
Maybe I will write more later.
Love you all to the moon and back,
jeska

I got contacted by the Editor of City Pages Mag. and I am shooting with them on Monday. A jewelry add or something but I am going to have a makeup artist, hair stylist and wardrobe stylist working on me and for me so that will be pretty neat. Pluss I will have a tear sheet...for those of you who don't know a tear sheet is just something models and photographers as well as MUA's (and so on) collect when they have been published. You copy it and put it in your portfolio so others can see that you have been published and then you are taken more seriously. So it will be a good thing for me at least...its in San Antonio so I hope that I can find the location easily. I am not very good with directions...
I really don't feel well today at all....I have layed around all morning reading my book and sleeping..I think I may go and get something to eat and see if that makes me feel better or worse..
I will write more later on.
Love you all
jes

I know I already wrote once today, but I am home now so I thought I would write again as I have actually experienced my day. LOL. Work was boring....had to go over rules and things like that...took three and a half hours. The last thirty minutes we actually got to call people to try and get some surveys in...I had 3 people hang up on me and one busy line before I got someone who was willing to talk to me. They survey's are a little long so I can't help but wondering how many people I will actually get to make it to the end of the survey. But I am ready for work...it's nice to feel like you have done something with your day, even if it's making a ton of people angry by calling them at home. I am working all next week and then have the weekend off so I can make it to San Angelo to work on the movie Getting The Girl. There are a few scened we have to re-do before the film wraps. I miss Tay so much! Can't wait to see him. It will be nice to see everyone though...Will be a nice change of scenery and a pretend vacation. Jason and I hope to go to Colorado for new years....where his best friend Sean lives with his wife. I met Sean and he is a really nice and talented guy. I can definitely see why he and Jason are as close as they are....Kinda like me and Tay.
Jason and I went and heard Zack Walter and the Cronkites play last night...probably didn't spell that last part right. They are super talented and just started getting their stuff played on air. Jason does all their images for them...they will be in san angelo soon so if you can you should stop by and hear them. It really is worth it. They are amazing!
Last but not least!!! A new picture of Grace...she looks so much like Tessa...I can't wait to see her when I visit! She is growing sooo big! She will be walking and talking before I know it!
OK LOVE YOU ALL! SooooOOOOoooooOOOooooo much!

So I got a job as a receptionist person....can't seem to remember the actual title or anything but it's a little like sitel, but no dress code or anythings so it should be a nice job. I start today....from 4 to 8...wish me luck! I need this job....
Jason got a job with a company called CAVCO it's a photography job....he is going to be photographing their product...should take like 2 days or somethin. Can't remember....but yay for us both!
Jason and I took pictures with his horses yesterday...FANCY and Carah... its really hard to make them do what you want....Fancy stepped on my dress hahahaha. They just really wanted to follow Jason so they kept getting right infront of him when he was tryin to take picture. And I got smacked in the face with a tail a few times....they are really sweet. Can't wait to ride them! The last time I was on a horse was at Mo Ranch and we had to follow a guy around so it wasn't that eventfull. It was fun because I was with my family but I would like to be able to ride one wherever and however I want to- it's more fun that way. I miss riding with Derek and his horses. He doesn't have them anymore though...poor Bubba.
Well I am gonna get in the shower and get ready for my day at work...I hope there aren't more spelling tests and typing tests... I had to take all sorts of tests to get the job and I actually passed them all...even the spelling tests. I barley passed. But passing IS passing!!! And anyone who knows me knows that I can't spell worth a poop. Ok I love you all....pray for me that I make it to the place of work ok...it's 30 minutes away and I am not totally sure how to get there and back home...I will have Jason draw me a map. hehehe
OK LOVE YA TO THE MOON AND BACK!

I just got an e-mail from my mommy....made me cry. It's weird when you realize you miss someone so much... I guess in a way I took her always being around for granit and now she isn't and I miss her. My mother and I went through some really hard times and I think they just made us stronger as mother and daughter. I have so much respect for her as a person and as a wife and mother. She is a fighter and I like to think that I get some of my strength from her in that area...we don't give up easily. I just have this ache in my heart to hug her....I feel silly sitting here writing while I cry but I can't help it. Don't get me wrong I am not in a bad place and I am happy and with people that care about me and everything about my current situation is good, I just miss my mommy and it makes me feel like a little girl. There is a comfort that only a mother can give....I want it right now and I am not sure why. I wish I had some pictures of my mom but the only ones I have are silly ones from my 22nd birthday.She is probably gonna get mad about that picture....but it's the only one I have! Maybe one of these days she will let Jason take some nice pictures of she and I together and I can hang them up in my room. I think about her all the time....that one song comes on the radio all the time and reminds me of her..."Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what ya got till it's gone...they build a paradice and put up a parkin' lot".....somethin like that. But she used to listen to the one by Amy Grant when I was little and then that guy re-made it at it's always on the radio....reminds me of when she and eric came to texas and fixed my life. I also made rice and gravy (also known to veronica and becca as cow pattys) last night for everyone here and I couldn't help but think of mom the whole time I cooked it. It's like I am drawn to her right now big time...I want to come home to visit so bad, but I can't right now....MISS YOU MOMMY!
OK! I had such a fun time last night with Jason and his sister Jessica. We had a few drinks and sat at the kitchen table and played a game with dominoes called Mexican Train. It's a really fun game and I can't wait to show MeMe...she loves dominoe games. But we just stayed up late playing games, telling stories and laughing. I had a lot of fun. Then I came to the room and passed out. hehe I am not much of a drinker now days, which is a good thing.
I have an interview with some company in San Marcos at 4:15 today. They are going to test me on how fast I can type and how well I can spell...I know I am good at one of the two. hahahaha. They will let me know if I get the job on the spot or not. I really want this job, I know its barley above minimum wage but I have to start bringin' in some money somehow and I dont care....I will just have to put more hours in and that is fine with me.
I applied at chili's with Jason and that place is completely silly about their hiring process. Jason and I go in there and fill out a 4 page application and disclosures and then sit for over an hour to be interviewed only to be told that she has to check our references. If our references check out ok we have to come back in for a test which takes another hour and they have to be sent off to see if we are trustworthy and consistant and blah blah blah, then we would have to come in for ANOTHER interview at which point I would assume you wold find out if you have the job or not. But that is so stupid for a minimum wage job. I am honest and can carry food to people....common.....so I doubt I will be working at Chili's....It's too far to keep driving back and forth to just for stupid things at chili's. I dunno maybe I just haven't had to apply anywhere in a while and it has all changed.
I have started reading a book recommended by Jason, called the Historian. If you like hostory and stuff like that you should read it. I am only in the first or second chapter but it is very interesting and I believe it is based on a true story. Daddy Eric would really like it and I am not sure how much my Daddy Ron reads but he would also like it because it is about Vampires. Now I am not sure how deeply the Vampires are involed in the book as a whole as I haven't read that much yet but I will keep ya posted. I also plan to keep reading that photography book by Ansel Adams, but I haven't picked it up in a few weeks....hmmmm....wonder where it is.
Not many pictures today....I will probably write more later....but right now I think I will take a nap.

Close my eyes to a yesterday I make the canvas clean,
Brushin strokes and creating what I never seen,
Drive a stollen car from a man that I'd like to meet,
hey hey hey yea rear-views hard to read.
hey hey hey yay please don't remember me..
Remember me.
Too cool to be foregettin his tattoo all over me,
wanna wash my self away with a bottle of whiskey,
seen myself in a window and I drive off real fast,
Wanna be that other window, whats now in the past,
Yea yea hey yea rear-views hard to read.
hey hey yay please don't remember me.
Remember me, yea yea.

That's a song by Claire Cunningham (not how sure I am as to the lyrics...I wrote them as I listened to the song...so they may be wrong) who is a local artist here in New Braunfels Texas. She and Jason are good friends and now I concider myself a friend of her's as well. Though I have not heard her sing just yet I enjoy listening to her on myspace http://www.myspace.com/clairecunningham. Claire's song Don't Remember Me inspired my last screenplay that I wrote. Right now it is still in it's 1st rough draft form, but editing will begin soon. Please listen to this song if you can and start listening around for Claire's name...she is so talented I am sure she will go far. I hope to hear her live soon!

I am once again bored out of my mind. I have an interview possiblility tomorrow in San Marcos for a cleaning Lady job...pay is ok and I bet they are flexable. They also work out of Austin and San Antonio so if we move I could continue to work for them. I am just soooOOOOOooooooOOOOoooo tired of sitting on my butt...I really have been trying to gt a job it just hasn't worked out just yet. I am gonna get one! I HAVE TO! I hate feeling useless....it's not a good feeling. At this point any job would make me happy. Even McDonalds probably though I haven't resorted to that just yet. Not sure I could flip burgers all day and have an apetite...Speaking of which I have only been eating once a day for like 2 or 3 weeks...I am scared my motabolism is gonna crap out on me when I start eating normal again.....EEEeeeekkk!
Anywho I spoke to Zack a long time last night online....poor honey...he can't seem to get over Emily and you can't really help him...I think he likes mourning her...And then Veronica called me at 2 in the morning bacause she couldn't sleep. It was a nice surprise one I realized nothing was wrong. Nout used to getting calls from her so late.. Still haven't heard back from S&S clothing so maybe I didn't get the add work after all. I really felt like it was a strong audition and interview...The guy actually wrote me saying..."I really enjoyed your interview and was very impressed with your outspoken charm and beautiful figure"-.Joseph Garza...maybe that was a kind hint as to "hey kid your not good enough!"Wish I had something to tell about....but my day hasn't been very eventfull...I got up...got online...talked to Jasons siter Jessica...played Angelina Ballerina with Jessica ans Emily (which I lost), stood on the porch and watched it rain really hard and now I am back in my room online...like everyday...bored. Jason is of outside somewhere doing ranch things...with a tractor...Oh what an exciting life I live...sometimes I wonder if I made the wrong choice when I moved...I mean I am happy here with Jason...which is ONE of the reasons I decided to move..I also decided to move because I wasn't getting anywhere closer to my dreams in San Angelo...yet here I am...stuck on a ranch with nothing to do but feel worthless...I help where I can and do what I know how to do...I try to feel like I help, but I don't. I feel lazy and pittifull...is that even how you spell that? I miss my family soooo much and my friend's...but I am here and moved...so I have to keep getting up everyday and hope that today will be different.
I haven't modeled in forever....makes me sad...I love modeling so much.. I can't paint cause none of my art stuff is here and there isn't room for me to paint here anyway. I hope that when I can get a job a can buy some yarn and start making christmas presents for people and maybe figure a way out that I can market my scarves here. I sold them at Taylor's moms shop last Christmas and did ok, but I doubt she will want to sel them again. I just want something to do..something I can create and then look at and feel and be proud of. I have never wanted to have something to do more in my life...I actually was always very content being lazy and doing nothing...but now something has changed and I don't really know why. I can't stand just sitting her wasting away...I'm bored....all the time....not miserable though so don't think that. Just bored.
Guess I will go in the kitchen and see if I can help someone with something...probably not-they rarely ever need me to do anything...sigh***

I have been thinkin about my sissy Alicia a lot latley.....I miss her a ton! She and I didn't get along for a loooooong time and then one day we just clicked at we spent the whole summer together. One of my favorite summer's to date actually. She and I haven't been getting along to well again latley and it breaks my heart. I know she ad Darby have there thing and she likes to kinda close herself into her own little world but I like to be around her and have fun. I mean I know that everyone grows up and moves on but aren't you suppost to always be close to your family? I wish her the best in the whole world.....love her to death and was so elated and surprised to hear that she was going back to college....YAY ALICIA! I am so happy she is showing ambition in her life again...I was really worried about her for a while. She and I seem to go through hard times ALL THE TIME but we handle them differently and I worry. I wish she would get back to her art, she is so talented and I want one of her peices so bad!I wonder if she and I will ever live close again, I hope so....there is soooo much here to offer her sooo much....so much art! She would love it! I know a bar called canvas and they show new artists works all the time...they even have events and have the actual artisit there painting on a stage sometimes so everyone could watch...I could see her doing that...Anyway she has just been on my mind...I thought I would have more to say but now looking at this I realize I am at a loss for words. So I will leave you with some images that have had me thinking of her.
Love you sissy