Ok about to get ready to go give facials and makeovers at Liz's Monday night Mary Kay party-she has them every monday night.... hopefully I will have a good night tonight and I can open my mary kay bank account tomorrow. I have goals to reach this month so I can hopefully put in my notice at woofers so please pray for me! I will let you all know how the party goes later once I get back home.
On a side note..... I am effing starving! I thought the Schwans man would have come by hours ago but I haven't seen or heard anything except for my loud neighbors upstairs. I want Schwans chicken nuggets to bad! arg

So.... I have been trying my hardest to get my Mary Kay business up and running since I found out I was infected with fetus....and it's not going well. I love my job at woofers and everyone that works up there are like family to me but I am just too darn sleepy to stay up all night. My back already hurts (which makes a little sense considering I am growing a human) and my right knee always seems to ache at the end of my shift, which makes no sense to me at all but according to Donny it's because the stuff my body was making to make my knee not hurt is now going to the baby lol.... ok Donna. So I might be stickin' around the woof longer than I had planned.
School, what a discouraging situation that turned out to be. I loved school so much last semester and I was honestly really looking forward to going back this semester but the 30% increase in tuition was a surprise and I didn't even have any books or anything..... So now I have to wait almost a year to go back. I hope to take some online courses next semester since I will be going into labor at some point during that 3 months.
I just ate dinner 45 minutes ago and I am starving! This is just silly... I'm going to walk into the kitchen and Jason is gonna think I'm crazy lol. Thinking about making a documentary called "Things they don't tell you about pregnancy: You don't glow" I feel like crap all the time! arrrrg
love you all
jes

Today was moms birthday and Jason and I tried to make it really special for her... she deserves it and we were really happy to make it happen for her. We ate at Bonzi Garden and the cook didn't even do any of the fancy tricks or anything... made me sad but at least it wasn't infront of eric cause i want him to get the full show when he sees it, he hasn't eaten there yet.
I have a definite baby bump now... well at least I know its a baby bump anyway. I show it to people and they all act like they can't tell anything has changed lol it's not like I am gonna get freaked out that "OH MY GOD IM PREGNANT?!?!?!" I know. Would be nice to get through the looking fat phase and into the looking pregnant phase though. Still trying to choke down the whole idea of having a human growing inside of me and becoming a mom... sometimes it feels like all my hopes and dreams are finished now.... like my life has come to a stand still. I'm scared and feel like everyone expects me to be this glowing happy person that has already stuffed an entire closet full of baby clothes, but I haven't bought anything yet.... haven't even started to clean the room out that will be the nursery yet.
But I have been babysitting my friend Brandy's daughter and I think she is wearing me down. She is 7 weeks old and so sweet...makes me want to see what mine will come out like lol. Im watching her again tomorrow.



those pictures were taken during fashion week, which was the night before I found out I was preggers lol. So one day I will be able to tell my baby that he/she walked down the red carpet with me in Austins biggest fashion show ever. I already look at the pictures and think "my god my waist was soooo tiny!" lol
I will write a blog about fashion week once I download the pictures from my camera... I have been being VERY lazy lol

So things have been really scary and I am sure they will continue to be unknown and terrifyingly new but people have gone through worse before. This is a blessing in disguise and I need to stop freaking out, take a step backward and realize the blessings I actually have. The first one being Jason which I have taken advantage of in the past and don't plan on ever doing again. He does so much to show me how much he loves me and I never acknowledged the fact that I appriciated anything he did and I think that hurt him. I want to show him how much I love him everyday for the rest of my life.
This little baby inside of me honestly terrifies me more than anything I have ever faced before. It's a forever and I haven't dealt with many of those as of yet but I get the feeling that this one is gonna be a whammy. I know Im not ready but Jason says nobody ever is and he will be the best daddy in the whole world so I know I can do this if he is by my side. I feel so silly for being so blind... I didn't see him for what and who is was and now I see it with blinding clarity... he is my best friend, someone that will love me even when I royally F**k up, he knows all my silly little nuances... like eating ice cream in the bath and crying at commercials when the music is beautiful... he even knows my favorite pizza and it's not a normal kind.... he holds me all night and kisses my face in the mornings... he takes the puppies for walks when I should help but am too lazy.... something I need to work on..... he listens to me talk about my art projects even when I know he has no clue what I'm talking about, he eats my food when I cook and I know it can't be very good... he loves me. And it's not that silly love that I have had before... the kind of love that fills you up for a while but leaves you so empty and alone that it hurts your very soul... he really loves me... everything about me... he even loves all of my bad qualities... that I am a habitually messy person... very obsessive compulsive whenever it strikes me and he never knows exactly when that will be... he knows that I battle compulsive lying and yet he believes in me..... his love is the kind of love that is always there.. all day and all night and forever... the kind of love that you envy when you watch the notebook... I actually found it and I almost ruined it... I tried pretty damn hard to ruin it really... but never again. Jason deserves me to be the person I know I am and thats what I plan to do for him... I am going to be his wife and a mother and my life will be filled with laughs and smiles and tears and sleepless nights and memories... and it's going to be gorgeous... I just really pray for God to watch me along the way... please watch me. Don't let me lose this.... I want this more than anything... Please.

Sooo....... life is an interesting thing... it changes in a blink of an eye...
Jason and I are expecting a little boy or girl in about 7 months. I guess I am still in the weird/awekward/dazzed stage of being pregnant lol. I am always very sleepy and starving now... which is weird because I use to only eat once a day and now its every 2 or 3 hours. I could honestly sleep all day and all night and still be totally exhausted when I got up lol it's so weird.
Life is changing already and I am nervous and anxious to see what happens.
Jason and I have been trying to get a small loan so we could get him a car but that's not gonna happen right now I guess. Banks don't want to give out small loans and I really want to stay away from a major loan right now. Just stinks cause he really needs a car and it would be nice to have a second car with 4 doors for the baby. We shall figure out something though... we are pretty resourceful.
Not really sure what to write about right now.... life is happening all around me and now inside of me and its very surreal.
Jason is cooking for me right now... which he does often and I love him for it. He is going to be such an amazing daddy. I can't wait to see him holding the little tiny for the first time.. it's going to be amazing.